Keeping the Peace with Grandparents

Grandparents are an invaluable resource for parents and their children. They are a window into our past, and we can learn a great deal from the richness of their full lives. My grandparents and I had a very close bond growing up, and I always treasured the time that we spent together. They never spoiled us in a material sense, but my summers and Christmas holidays with them were something of a dream. My French-Canadian grandfather, and I used to go traipsing around the back country, gathering berries, ferns and other plants so my grandma, could throw together one of her famous summer salads.  I would pull up a stool in my grandma's enormous kitchen, and help her mix in the blueberries for her famous blueberry muffins. We would laugh for hours on end, trying to scrub our blueberry stained mouths and fingers. As a home health care nurse, my grandmother was the nurturing kind, and my brother and I benefited from her calm, sweet demeanour.
 
My grandparents and parents had a wonderful relationship, I never knew there to be any conflict. And even though my grandparents did in fact nudge my parents every once in a while for being a little too strict, my parents lovingly agreed and gave us a little more freedom. However, there are far more extreme cases of grandparents over-stepping the boundaries so much so, that they cause a rift in the family dynamic. Many of my friends are now in their thirties and having children and we often chat about the increasing tension between my friends, and their parents, as they all engage in a power struggle of sorts. And it raises some of my own concerns with child rearing, and how my parents will be as grandparents. My girlfriend gave me a few pointers, and here's what she shared with me:

Open Communication. My girlfriend had a long chat with her parents before her first baby was born, about boundaries, and what she expected of her parents, and in turn, what her parents expected of her. All came to the agreement that time with this precious baby girl was of the utmost importance, but that it was going to be on my girlfriends time, and not theirs. Since her daughter is only two now, they haven't all sat down to discuss discipline in the two households, but reiterated to me, that it was vital that everyone was on the same page. It was okay for the grandparents to spoil her daughter a little, but it wasn't okay to alter the rules.

Never play interference. If there is an issue in the household, unless it directly involves the grandparents, they are not to interfere. Dealing with conflict with your children is difficult enough without having to involved two more outside voices. Your parents have finished their child rearing responsibilities, now it's time for them to sit back, and watch you raise your own.

Keep consistent. My girlfriend said that this was probably the most important point. Children need routine, they thrive on it, so it's important that everyone who is a part of raising your child, needs to maintain a stable environment. When everyone follows the golden rules, grandparents get to feel youthful again, and your children are all the better for it.