I understand that not everyone loves their in-laws, in fact, I'm sure some of you may wish that your in-laws would pick up and move to Antarctica! They can be pushy, bossy, rude, speak out of turn, and your mother-in-law continuously reminds you that your lasagna, on its best day, doesn't hold a candle to her family recipe. They can drop in without notice or phone all hours of the night just "to chat" to your partner, and lament over the fact that they didn't marry Bobby Joe who's now a successful
computer systems analyst with the big house down the road a jag in the driveway, and a membership to a swanky country club. You do everything humanly possible to spend Christmas with them every other decade and Easter and Thanksgiving even less. Trust me, I've heard it all!
I have to say, I am one of the lucky ones. My in-laws and I get along swimmingly. I adore them so much, I invited them to spend Christmas in my modest two bedroom apartment for a three week visit. It gets a bit tense at time, feeling like we're living on top of each other, but my partner and myself have a set of established boundaries to avoid any possible eruptions. And if there is a blow-out, everyone goes to their respective corners, for a brief cooling off period. A pint of beer later, and we're all back to being the best of companions again. Though we can't always be best buds with our in-laws, with very few exceptions, we don't have to be sworn enemies either.
1) DISCUSS WITH YOU PARTNER! In-laws often try the 'ol divide and conquer method, so be prepared. Have an honest discussion with your partner about your personal issues with them. It's not about getting your partner on your side or not, as they may not agree with you, but at the very least, it is important they listen, process, understand and respect how you feel. They made the decision to be with you, it is their responsibility to make you feel comfortable in your own home and not threatened.
2) DON'T BE A DOORMAT! Look, you've got a
Master's in Education, it's time to
school the in-laws. Despite what they think (and say), they're not always
right! Whatever you do, don't sit there and simmer like a teapot, stand up and say something. Walking on eggshells in your own home, or in your own life, is unacceptable. Life is too short, and they need to be made to understand your stance. You don't need to be aggressive right off the bat; Be firm, be respectful and be concise so there is no confusion.
3) CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES! Remember when your mother told you not to sweat the small stuff? This is a PERFECT time to put that mantra to good use. Deep breaths, woosah! Sometimes it may feel like you never wear the right thing, your hair is never perfect enough, your cooking
always lacks salt, your car is too impracticable, you apparently need to fire your maid, and your children lack discipline, but in the grand scheme of things, these are TINY things. Just remember that
you like your life the way it is, and as long as you and your partner are on the same page, that's all that matters. So what if they don't like your cooking, or the spike protruding from your teenagers chin, they're not living your life, and they need to get on with enjoying theirs. If you have children, it's especially important to maintain a stable, and cordial relationship with your in-laws at the very least. And though we can't pick 'em, they are our family after all, and we all have to just learn to get along!
