Living With Mental Illness in the Family

Mental illness is an issue that carries a horrendous stigma, and it is this stigma that prevents people from discussing the prevalence of mental illness in an open forum. The fact of the matter is, not only is mental illness a great deal more common than we would like to admit, but many of us may be suffering from a mental illness, and not even realize it. When there is a diagnosis of mental illness in the family, it is without question, the most difficult challenge a family can face as a unit, and effect s each member is a different way.

Both of my parents suffered from mental illness, but it was my father's diagnosis of manic depression that sent the family reeling. For years, my father, a dedicated military man, was unofficially diagnosed as a manic depressive when I was just 12. My parents had separated a year earlier and my brother and and I had flown out for our first summer alone with Dad. The moment we arrived, we knew something was not quite right. He was elated, giddy, almost childlike. He was running around the house like a madman, unable to concentrate on any one thing, and spoke a mile a minute. I can recall my father having these sorts of spells at specific times of year, usually around the holidays. We would come to find out later, that these were typical signs of a mental illness. And though these were symptoms that my father had exhibited before, it was never to this extent. Some mornings, he didn't seemed willing to get out of bed. It was as though he lost his lust for life for days at a time. It was difficult for a 12 year old and a 6 year old to understand why Dad was so different, and throughout our adolescence, his conditioned worsened, driving an immovable wedge between the three of us.

My father did not seek help until well into his illness, and because we were estranged, we didn't know how far gone our father's condition was. Because he was in the military, there was not only a societal stigma attached to being mentally ill, but being an active soldier, there was more of an incentive for my father to hide his  illness, rather than seek help to deal with it. Tragically, in June of 2009, my father lost his battle with mental illness, and took his own life.

Mental illness should be something that is discussed at almost every age level, starting with a chat about emotions. In the years that followed my father's death, if I had a better understanding of what my father was going through, I might have been able to cope with my fear, and reach out to him much sooner. You don't need a master's in psychology to gain a fundamental understanding on what mental illness is, but if there if you think someone in your family suffering from a mental illness, family counseling should be your first stop. It's important to start a dialogue within the family as soon as possible, and show a united support system to ensure the person with the illness feels emotionally safe amidst their loved ones. There is nothing more frightening for someone who is mentally ill, than seeing the fear in their loved ones eyes. Don't be fearful, be educated.